Finding balance: The challenges and rewards of taking time for ourselves
Rose Mabiza • 6 mins read
16 December 2023
Motherhood is an enriching yet demanding journey, especially for those raising children with autism or special needs. As mothers, we dedicate ourselves wholeheartedly to our children, sometimes neglecting our needs. The guilt and challenges associated with taking time for ourselves can be overwhelming. However, it's essential to recognise the significance of self-care and the empowerment it brings.
Join me as I share my personal story of overcoming guilt, finding support, and discovering the transformative power of embracing independence while acknowledging that taking care of ourselves is necessary.
The challenge of balancing responsibilities and self-care
Raising a child with autism demands constant attention and care, making it challenging to find moments for ourselves. As mothers, we pour our hearts and souls into providing our children with the best care and support. We become experts in advocating for their needs, navigating therapy sessions, and ensuring their well-being in every aspect of life. In this journey, it's easy to overlook our own needs and push aside self-care in favour of fulfilling our parental responsibilities.
While our dedication and selflessness are admirable, neglecting ourselves can affect our physical, emotional, and mental health. The relentless stress, lack of personal time, and continuous worry can slowly erode our well-being. We may find ourselves exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling to maintain balance.
Discovering the transformative power of independence
Witnessing my son's growing independence as he recently travelled independently became a catalyst for my self-reflection and transformation. It was a pivotal moment that made me realise that I, too, deserve moments of freedom and adventure. However, the decision to prioritise personal time was not without its challenges and feelings of guilt.
With excitement and trepidation, I made the difficult decision to go on a holiday abroad with my friends and family. The idea of taking time for myself, away from the responsibilities of caring for my child, both thrilled and worried me. It was a step towards embracing independence and reclaiming a sense of individuality that my role as a mother had temporarily overshadowed.
The battle within: Conflicting emotions on departure day
As the departure day approached, I found myself battling conflicting emotions. Excitement mingled with guilt, and trepidation danced with anticipation. However, I held onto the belief that I would become an even better mother and caregiver in the long run by embracing this newfound independence.
Leaving my child behind, even in the capable hands of my husband, invoked a mixture of emotions within me. I questioned whether it was the right choice, worried about burdening my husband and older child with the responsibility I’ll be leaving. The guilt whispered in my mind, suggesting that my son needed me constantly, and any time away would be detrimental to their well-being.
Yet, deep down, I knew that I needed a break. I recognised that neglecting my needs would ultimately hinder my ability to provide my children with the best care and support. It was a decision fueled by love — for my children, my family and myself.
The weight of guilt and the importance of support
Throughout the trip, I was plagued by thoughts of whether I made the right choice. The guilt of leaving my child behind was an immense weight, especially when it seemed they needed me the most. Every picturesque landscape, every laughter with friends, every fleeting feeling of freedom was tinged with doubt. Did I make a mistake? Shouldn't I be there for my child at every turn, guiding them, providing support, and ensuring their happiness?
But, as I navigated through foreign lands, my mind reeling between awe and anxiety, I gradually realised the truth. My guilt wasn't founded on neglect or abandonment; it stemmed from a love so fierce and a commitment so strong that the mere thought of being away felt like a betrayal. In reality, I was providing my child an opportunity for growth, independence, and resilience.
I felt a renewed sense of gratitude for my family as I came home. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and the time away made me appreciate my family even more. I was relieved that my absence hadn't negatively affected my son or my family. They were happy and well looked after, which reassured me that my child was gaining more independence and resilience.
This experience also taught me the importance of having a solid support network. Fortunately, I have a loving and capable husband who stepped up to the plate without complaints when I needed a break. Their support allowed me to let go of the guilt and embrace the opportunity to recharge and rediscover myself.
Self-care: A necessity, not a luxury
As women, we often place immense pressure on ourselves to be all-rounders, juggling demanding jobs, children, and various responsibilities. The weight of these expectations can gradually take a toll on our well-being before we even realise it. The truth is, we cannot pour from an empty cup. That's why taking time for ourselves and practising self-care is not only crucial but also necessary for our physical, emotional, and mental health.
During my holiday, I experienced an incredible sense of liberation and tranquillity. Being responsible only for myself, even temporarily, allowed me to let my hair down and truly enjoy the present moment. The therapeutic benefits of this freedom were immeasurable. It reminded me that I am more than just a mother, and it's okay to indulge in self-care without feeling guilty. By recognising its significance and making it a non-negotiable part of our routine, we empower ourselves to be better mothers, partners, and advocates for our children.
Conclusion
Motherhood is a journey that requires immense dedication and love. However, it's crucial for mothers of children with special needs to remember that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity. Taking time for ourselves allows us to recharge, rediscover our own identities, and ultimately become better caregivers for our children.
I hope sharing my story has inspired and encouraged other women to prioritise self-care, embrace independence, and build a supportive community. Let's unite as mothers, women, and advocates for children with special needs. Together, we can break free from guilt, support each other, and celebrate the journey of motherhood while nurturing our well-being.
